When you look into your child’s eyes and see you’ve gone just a bit too far this time:


  • 1 bag of Fritos
  • 1 can of chili
  • A few jalapeños from the jar
  • 2 cups grated Cheddar cheese
  • A lot of dollops of Daisy
  • Freeze-dried chives, to taste


  • Heat up can of chili. While warming, pick some jalapeños out of the jar. Supervise the child with the grater—it is good exercise. Smoke a cigarette and the chili is warm enough.
  • Put the Fritos bag on a serving platter. Open it with scissors as if it were a baked potato. Spoon over warmed chili, drop a few jalapeños, smother with cheese, dollop the sour cream, and sprinkle the chives.
  • Always remind the child that sharing is caring and that a moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips. Yours were sacrificed already, so you get more.


N.M. Campbell is an expatriated antiquarian bookseller living in the Netherlands in an old house filled with antiques and a library of books wafting vanilla and lignin. A fellow world traveler, a rescued Maine Coon cat, permits people to live there. To read more, visit www.nm-campbell.com.